please come home.

I can feel it, life is getting better everyday. Sometimes, things are still shitty, but whatever. Sometimes I guess everyone's life is shitty, and if anyone disagrees, they are liars. Filthy liars. Speaking of lying, have you ever lied to get something you wanted? I have. I did not too long ago, I said I was happy just so people would stop asking me if I am sad about Allex. I am not happy, but I can't honestly remember a time that I was happy. I am not sad about him either. I feel nothing towards him. I feel nothing when people bring him up either, but that isn't good either. I wonder if I will ever be able to like someone unconditionally, or if I am gonna get bored of everyone after a while. I can't keep a friend, I can't keep a boyfriend. What is gonna happen to me, am I gonna just be the crazy cat lady that lives like a shut off? Perhaps, because Gus is the only thing, that I can't get sick of. Back to lying to get what I want....I just want people to stop asking me why I am not happy, I just want people to let it be. Let me be alone pretty much. If I wanna talk to someone, then I will talk to them, if I don't say something to you first, I just wanna be left alone, which is actually quite a lot. Alone is awesome. I don't have to make pointless chit chat, I can just sit there and think. People are complicated and make my head hurt......