Black River Killer

Black River Killer- Blitzen Trapper

It was just a little while past the Sunset Strip 

They found the girl’s body in an open pit 

Her mouth was sewn shut, but her eyes were still wide 

Gazing through the fog to the other side 

They booked me on a whim and threw me deep in jail 

With no bail, sitting silent on a rusty pail 

Just gazing at the marks on the opposite wall 

Remembering the music of my lover’s call 

So you make no mistake 

I know just what it takes 

To pull a man’s soul back from heaven’s gates 

I’ve been wandering in the dark about as long as sin 

But they say it’s never too late to start again 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the spirit come a-callin' for my soul to send 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the keys to the kingdom be mine again? 

It was dark as the grave, it was just about three 

When the warden with his key came to set me free 

They gave me five dollars and a secondhand suit 

A pistol and a hat and a worn out flute 

So I took a bus down to the Rio Grande 

And I shot a man down on the edge of town 

Then I stole me a horse and I rode it around 

Til the sheriff pulled me in and sat me down 

He said, you make no mistake 

I know just what it takes 

To pull a man’s soul back from heaven’s gates 

I’ve been wandering in the dark about as long as sin 

But they say it’s never too late to start again 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the spirit come a-callin' for my soul to send 

Oh when, Oh when 

Will the keys to the kingdom be mine again? 

Well the sheriff let me go with a knife and a song 

So I took the first train up to Oregon 

And I killed the first man that I came upon 

'Cause the devil works quick, you know it don’t take long 

Then I went to the river for to take a swim 

You know that black river water is as black as sin 

And I washed myself clean as a newborn babe 

And then I picked up a rock for to sharpen my blade 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the spirit come a calling for my soul to send 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the keys to the kingdom be mine again? 

Oh when, oh when 

Will that black river water wash me clean again 

Oh when, oh when 

Will the keys to the kingdom be mine again?

Tired.

I am tired. Mentally, and physically. My mind is tired of beating itself up over what to do with my life, and missing people. My body is tired of running around in circles all day, working 40 hours a week, and crying so much. Gosh. I just dont know what to do anymore. I need a vacation from life. I heard you actually can buy your own star now-a-days...maybe I should buy my own star, and take a vacation there. I would name my star...Comet. Not to be funny, just because I have always wanted to own something named Comet, and its too late to change my cat's name What are your thoughts on the name Comet?

Amazing. <3

There is an amazing stop motion music video out there...and I happened to stumble upon it. I am in love with the song and the video. This is what I inspire to do with my photography. Its soooo awesome.

Her Morning Elegance
Directed by: Oren Lavie, Yuval & Merav Nathan
Photography: Eyal Landesman
Featuring: Shir Shomron

i found out they die... great.

I feel sad. What a simple sentence with such a complex meaning for me. I only feel sad around certain things, not everything. Somethings that make me sad, have never really had that effect on me before, like butterflies. Like the insect, and that weird feeling you get when you are around the person you like. Maybe its the death of both that are really bothering me. The feeling that I used to feel about daily, is gone, and I dont know where it went. It was such a beautiful feeling, and it died soo quickly. I miss the twisting feeling of emotions and actions..the feeling that made me soo happy, is now making me unbelievably depressed. I know, heart aches will go away, but I guess not very fast. I declared to a friend, that I was "over it", and I tried to believe that I was really over him, but I suppose I was lying to her, I was lying to myself also...I guess I am lying a lot lately? Karma is going to kill me. The butterfly, as in the insect, is my new obsession. It was recently brought to my attention that butterflies dont live long. I usually would just not think about it, and chalk it up as a failed attempt of replacing my love of unicorns, but not this time. I keep thinking about it, how short is life? Am I going to regret everything in my life when its over? I don't have a lot of life to spare, so I think I should probably start thinking about my decisions instead of being so irrational. I quit college because I just wasn't happy there, well, I wasn't unhappy, I just didnt think I was happy. I love art, and I loved the people I was with, so I can't think of a single reason why I was unhappy, maybe, I just set myself up to be unhappy? Maybe if I convinced myself that I was unhappy there, I would move back, and be seriously unhappy. Well, if that was my secret plan, it totally worked. So in attempt to be happy again, I got a full time job, to get out of Jamestown as soon as possible. Well, I have a job, and I like my job, but it is making my extremely unhappy. It make me feel old, like I am an 18 year old, stuck in a 40 year olds life. I work all the time, its tiring, stressful, and I don't really enjoy it. I just want to get out of here though, so I can continue my life where I am not always bored, and where I have friends to be around. Speaking of friends....wow. I used to have a best friend, me and her were fairly inseparable. Well, I guess not so much anymore. I mean, I dont think I am super needy, but I guess I would like to see my other half sometimes. I have seen her once in 09. Fucking once. I need her to function correctly.....actually, im not sure about that statement anymore. I used to feel that way, like life wasn't okay without her, but now. I am not so sure. Are we starting to drift apart? Have I changed soo much that she isn't my other half anymore? Have I become another person without her? I hope not, that would be fairly depressing. I guess it has become apparent that I have changed a lot since the end of high school. I'm guessing it isn't a good change considering people have been really getting on my case about it, so I have been asking people who actually know me, have I become crazy? Some people answer yes, some no, some have the same question as I do. What in the hell is crazy anymore? I suppose it could be defined if I knew what sane was, but since I don't I cannot define crazy. Therefor I am not sure if crazy is what I have become. In my opinion, I have just become an over thinker. I completely over analyze my life anymore. Nothing just "slides by". Thinking is what has lead me to write this at such an early hour in the morning. It has been made obvious that I do not have anyone here to share my thinking with....I was sitting in my room with a friend, thinking, and it lead to awkward moment. Wow. I guess I never used to think around most of my friends, so it is weird having them see me think? Who knows. The one person I can think around, is soo many miles away. It is disheartening. Chats over facebook, email, or phone, don't help. It only solidifies the fact that I am so far away because when I am done spilling my brain, I ask if they want to come over, and it is brought to my attention, that we aren't around each other anymore. It makes me sad. The people that I can go see, don't care about what is on my mind, and the people the can talk to me about what is on my mind, are far away. Why does this keep happening to me? I suppose I can answer that question fairly easily if I think about it. I tend to push people away from me. I don't think I like people really knowing me when I am around them all the time. Maybe its my irrational fear of being backstabbed again, but it consumes my life. I don't think anyone within a 50 mile radius really knows me. Nor do I want them to I think, I think I am perfectly content with them knowing "Rose". "Rose" is always happy, confident and open. No one here could probably face the fact that I am indeed none of those previous things mentioned. Since everyone around me only knows "Rose", I am becoming increasingly lonely. It is also very tiring being two different people. I am becoming worn down, and stressed. It is causing me to freak out about everything. Example...Erika Lancaster has a facebook. She has added my whole family tree that has a facebook, except for me. Wow. Usually, I wouldn't care, and I would be happy that she has left me alone, but lately, I am sooo over emotional and unhappy that I am very very very sad that she hasn't even tried to add me. She doesn't want to talk to me? Were blood. She should want to talk to her offspring, but she doesn't. Obviously I fail as a person soo badly that she doesn't even bother talking to me anymore. Wow. At first, when it came to my attention that she had one, I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or just depressed, and since it is sooo easy for me to be sad lately, I obviously chose depression...well its late. I am tired, and just life a butterfly, my computer is going to die. Great.

I would like to thank you, for letting me know i could feel this way

So, when I arrived at home, I thought things were going to be easier. Boy was I wrong! I am more confused than ever. Im not sure why, but I have lost all want to do art. What? I am not understanding that one. I mean when I first got here, it was nice, I was doing art at a nice pace, and now I am slowly slipping back into my old ways, and I am not doing art as much. I find myself just going out and not really doing anything to better my life. There isn't much to do here except for drink, which I have been doing quite a lot. Hmm. I think I may slowly be becoming an alcoholic? Well, I am probably not that bad yet, but I think it may be coming. Maybe I should send myself to a rehab or something, or just find a new hobby. I am officially giving up on boys, because they are confusing and upsetting and since I have been blowing off everything else for them, I think I should get back to working on my friendships. Friends are awesome (yea, that was my official statement on friends). I haven't seen my best friend in such a long time, she used to be like my other half, fuck, we even lived together...and now I can't even make time or put forth effort to go see her. Wow. Fail..I think I am going to start trying. Im gonna be a "tryer". But I should sleep, because I haven't really done that in a really really really long time. Wow. Fuckmylife.