Wrong. I am miserable. I am tired of socializing. Its just lame. I wish to crawl into a hole and not come out. I dont want to see people right now. I dont want to meet anyone new right now.
There are tons of politics in meeting new people. Since I am big into lists. I will make one.
- How do you introduce yourself?
- How do you know what their views on life are without causing a social dilema?
- How do you know if they hate someone you really like?
- How do you know if they will think you are "weird" if you act like your natural self again?
- How do you know when you are boring them with facts about yourself in an attempt to get to know them?
- How do you know if they actually want to be your friend?
I think I over complicate things. Make problems for myself, just so I can fix them. Today my dear friend Peaches texted me, and she was upset, and I didnt help her. At all, I actually kinda made it worse. It is now a problem, that I can fix. Sick huh? I have a cuddle buddy, Allex. Sometimes, I argue with him, just to argue. Just to pick a fight, to prove there is something wrong between us. There isn't anything really wrong, there never was either. We were just fine being cuddle buddies, and I made it into a problem.
Friends with benefits. I told myself I would never be "that girl". I like it more. It is less stress then just being with someone. That sounds sick, huh? I find it stressful to be around people and be with people. No wonder why I can't really keep a friend, its because I just get sick of them. I push people away because I hate being around them. Its an inevitable thing to. It doesn't matter how good of friends we become. I will push you away, because that is what I do. I pick fights, to make something wrong between us.
Currently I am cheating at a game. I am determined to win it, and get all the coins, so I turned it onto all computer players, and hard levels, so they will get all the coins, and then I will turn them all to human players, so I can reap the benefits. That is how everyone else in life is, so I might as well do it also. But when I say everyone else, I am talking usually on a higher scale. Like all the hard work I put in at my job, all the wasted hours of my life, all the great reviews for us. Then they tell me, we don't want you to stay part time anymore even, so we are giving your hours away, but now, thanks to you, state thinks were awesome. Wow.
I am just going on in this post, and thats not what I really wanted to do. I must have been suppressing a lot of anger deep down. Allex is coming to see me on the 16&17th. I am happy. Very happy. I miss Mr. Goosey and now that I can finally admit that there is nothing wrong with us, maybe things will be better. I wonder what I should do with him? Go to a movie perhaps? Go play mini golf? Pool? Go karts? Paintballing? Possibilities are endless really. Thinking about it, has my brain racing. And when I asked what he wanted to do, he was no help. (Of course.) All I know for sure is, I want to give him a hug. He is a good friend, and I miss hugging him. I used to hate hugs oddly. I hated when people touched me, and for the most part it still makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why, maybe it's because I am not fully comfortable with myself? But when it comes to Allex, I dont mind giving him hugs.
Next point I needed to make. Spaghetti O's are really sick. Just avoid them like the plague.
Speaking of plagues. Maybe the world is ending. Our weather has been really really messed up lately. I like it personally, because I hate the warm, and the sun. Most people are bitching though. Go figure. They dont get what they want, they bitch. I am not saying it is a bad thing though, its an American right to voice your opinion. I can't really say its bad either, because I do it too, and I try to be as least hypocritical as I can be. I mean, I think I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I said bitching was bad, considering this whole post is mostly bitching.
